please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
