spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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