I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
