Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
