i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
