In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
