Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
