3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
