What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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