The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
