you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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