So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
