To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
