dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
