Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he thought i was a dude.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
