Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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