I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
accomplished twins. life is a go
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
whose ass print is on the piano?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
