So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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