On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
