Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I pour the whiskey from now on
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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