sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
