Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
