she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
