Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
