I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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