8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
