doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
