we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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