We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
