Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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