What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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