I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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