I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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