I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
