I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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