Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
