textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
