oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
