he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Randomize
