Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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