yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She's the barista slut.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
