Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
