please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
