i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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