Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
