my mouth tastes like poor choices
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
