I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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