look no pants
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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