I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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