We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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