Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We don't watch enough power rangers
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
