went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
