At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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